Burning the Bridge
by ListenLoud
Summary: How to mend a broken heart?
1. Chapter 1

It all had started after a string of tough cases. They'd been working hard and were coming off a 17 day work week. They'd decided to decompress at her apartment with pizza, wine and a movie. The movie had ended a while ago and they'd been discussing the last case they'd worked on. The detectives they'd met.

After a while, the conversation turned personal. "Scully, are you happy?" He wasn't sure why he asked, he just knew it was important to him that she was.

"Relatively. Yes, most days. Some days, when we're in town and things are pretty quiet and slow at the office, I feel there could be more for me. It can get lonely. But then when we're out on a case, the adrenaline and excitement are so intense that I get this feeling… I don't know if it's happiness, but it's definitely satisfaction….and yeah, maybe a little bit of happiness." The wine was making her tongue loose. She looked over at him, he was looking at her intensely. He didn't say anything, but his face was inching closer. She wasn't sure if she was imagining it at first, but then when his face was a mere inch from hers, she decided to close the gap. Just a friendly kiss, she assured herself. She gave him a closed lip peck on the mouth. She pulled away, but he was already pulling her back. This time, the kiss was anything but friendly.

Before she realized it, she was straddling his lap, moving her hips back and forth over his erection. His hands were on her ass, helping her with the rocking. Her hands were on his hair, holding him close, both exploring their mouth and each other's bodies.

Soon her shirt was unbuttoned, his mouth having moved south to her neck and chest. She was moaning in pleasure. He could feel her hardened nipples through the fabric of her bra. That's when they both stopped, looked at each other, and simultaneously asked, "Are you sure? is this ok?" The mutual questioning was all the reassurance they needed.

She stood up and took her pants off, while he didn't bother with standing, he managed pulling them down all while sitting. she startled him once again, this time seeking his cock. She grabbed it with one hand and sided him into her.

They both moaned at the feeling. Scully closed her eyes and threw her head back. She then put her hands on his chest and began moving up and down on his cock. She opened her eyes to see him watching her and she kissed him deeply as he undid her bra. Once her breasts were freed, he took a nipple in his mouth and started sucking and flicking it with his tongue.

Scully increased the rhythm at the sensation.

She knew what she needed to do to come, and she felt he was close as well, so she took her hands behind her and placed them on his knees as she rode him even faster. To her surprise, he started rubbing her clit at that exact moment and her orgasm arrived much faster then she had anticipated. Mulder's followed quite closely.

She laid spent on his chest. He was rubbing circles on her back. She had never felt this content. She never thought this would ever actually happen.

"Mulder, Do you want to move to the bed?"

She stood up and grabbed his hand and led him to the bedroom. Once there, she lost what little clothing she managed to still have on and laid in the middle of the bed. He took the hint and took his shirt off and crawled on top of her. He looked in her eyes, and he didn't think he'd seen anything as beautiful as a recently-fucked Scully. He began kissing her.

This was without hurry, he wanted to take his time with her the next time, he didn't think his dick would be up for it. Literally. But as he lowered himself on top of her, and one of her nipples brushed against his chest, he felt his dick responding. They made love that time. He imagined sex with Scully being amazing, but amazing wasn't even cutting it close.

Too bad he would ruin everything in 4months, 2 days and 3 hours.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Scully had awakened alone in bed, her brain, as well as her body, which was sore in places she hadn't been sore in quite a while, quickly reminded her of the activities that had transpired the night before. She was about to start feeling sorry for herself for waking up alone after a night of sex, when she heard the toilet flush, and a boxer-clad Mulder entered her room. Her disappointment, which had been quickly filling her up like fast falling waterfall, dissolved. She involuntarily smiled.

"Good morning sleepy." Mulder sleepily greeted her as he climbed back under the covers.

"What time is it Mulder?" She asked as she felt him cuddle up behind her and draw an arm around her naked waist.

"It's too early for breakfast, but not too early for some other kind of breakfast." His clear innuendo hung in the air as he started kissing the back of her neck, while his hands explored whatever inches of her body he hadn't gotten to just a few hours ago. They were definitely making up for lost time.

As the sun came up, they decided to go for breakfast, or brunch rather, since they'd spent a good part of the morning laying around in bed doing everything but just laying in it. They were both happy, they'd finally taken the step. Neither could remember who took the initiative.

They had a pleasant breakfast, never discussing just how much their bodies had enjoyed each other hours earlier.

They continued on this way for 3 months. Work was work, and they were able to maintain their working relationship, while exploring their personal relationship after hours.

They'd work themselves silly and then come home, cook dinner together, watch a little television and fall into bed together. Ever since they'd started their physical intimacy, they'd spent no more than a day apart. During weekends, they'd go to the cinema then they'd get dinner and if they were up to it, a nightcap. They were a real couple, doing real couple things.

Saturday, August 15th

They had just finished a tough case, and neither of them were in the mood to do anything else but sit in a crowded bar and get a couple of drinks to destress. They walked into the bar, one they hadn't visited before. She reached over for his hand, needing the physical contact. It'd been about a week and a half since they'd had any real intimacy due to this case. She threaded her fingers through his, he squeezed her hand as soon as he felt her and just as fast he let go of it. "Scully, not here, we don't know who we may run into inside."

She felt a little rejected and hurt, but tried not to let it ruin her evening. They walked in and found a secluded booth in the back of the bar that seemed to be out of everyone's way. She sat down and expected him to sit opposite her, but to her surprise he sat on the same side as her. She had noticed that he'd become a little paranoid about their relationship and about work finding out, so she figured he had scoped the place out while they walked to the booth and saw no one they knew that could break their secret open. He put his arm up behind her and brought her closer to him, she looked at him and smiled , he returned the smile and closed the distance and gave her a short but deep and sweet kiss to make up for the hand thing earlier. As they came apart, she heard the voice.

"Dana? Dana is that you? Oh Shit, it is! Danes!" A man's voice rang out. Scully looked around slightly confused.

"Charlie?" She recognized the voice but she couldn't place where it was coming from, as she looked around she finally spotted him, "Oh my God, Charles, what are you doing here?" She said as she got up walked over to him embracing him.

"I just got in to town, I wanted to surprise mom, and seeing as you can't keep a secret to yourself, I decided to surprise you too, Mom said you were out of town though! I was going to call you tomorrow!" He said, "But I see maybe out of town has a human male form, are you going to introduce us, Dana?" He signaled towards Mulder with his head and a lift of the brow.

Scully blushed, "This is Mulder, Mulder this is Charlie, my younger brother" Charlie gave Mulder a huge smile while shaking his hand.

"So you're Mr. Out of Town, huh?" He winked at Mulder. Mulder only gave him a polite smile.

"I've heard a lot about you, Charlie" Mulder said

"Huh, everything she tells you is a lie. She's the one that would do crazy things and then blame it on me! That's why I'm known as the wild child, when in reality SHE's the wild child!"

Charlie shared the booth with Mulder and Scully for about 20 minutes, until he decided he needed to rejoin his friends and let the love birds continue on with their date. "Well, sis, this was a surprise running into you here, I will let you guys continue on with your date, lets get some lunch tomorrow so you can catch me up on all the things you have NOT told me about" He wiggled his eyebrows at the last statement. Scully got up and gave her brother a hug, Mulder shook his hand. Scully sat down, and was disappointed when Mulder sat across from her instead of on the seat next to her like he had been for the past half hour.

He finished his beer in silence, deep in thoughts. She sipped on hers. "You ready to go, Scully?" She was a bit surprised and disappointed, yet again.

"But…we just got here, you've only had one beer, Mulder…."

"I'm just ready to go, I'm exhausted suddenly." He answered, not quite meeting her eyes.

"Ok, sure, did you open a tab?" She asked reaching for her purse.

"No, I got it, let's go" They got in his car, and he drove in silence. Halfway to her apartment, he finally spoke, "Scully, I'm going to drop you off and head over to my apartment, you're going to meet your brother tomorrow anyway…" He said as he stole quick glances at her, he could see that that's not what she expected or wanted for tonight, and saw her take a couple of breaths before she answered.

"Ok, Mulder"

They rode in silence the rest of the way. When they arrived outside her apartment, she leaned over and kissed him deeply. "I'll miss you in my bed tonight." was what she said before she left the car. She knew something was bothering him, and he clearly wasn't up for sharing tonight, she didn't want to push him. She knew he would come to her and talk when he was ready.


	3. Chapter 3

"Dana! Over here!" Charlie waved her sister over.

"Hey You! so I guess I'm finally going to hear how you came into town and didn't bother to tell me!" Scully said as she sat down to have brunch with her brother, who she hadn't seen in over 6 months.

Soon the food was finished, and brother and sister were all caught up, the bottomless mimosas kept coming, and Scully could feel herself working her way through tipsiness flirting with the drunken limit. Thankfully, she'd taken a cab to the restaurant the moment her brother mentioned bottomless mimosas, she knew what usually ended up happening anytime she and her brother got together.

"So, Dana, this guy you're seeing, Mulder, I know he's your partner, how does that work?" Her little brother didn't beat around the bush. Scully blushed before even beginning to think of how to answer that when she didn't know the answer herself.

"He's my partner, and honestly, I don't know how to answer your question. We hadn't explored this part of the relationship until very recently, and we are good at keeping things separate. Work stays at work, and whatever happens in off hours stays in off hours." She took a long gulp of her mimosa.

"Well, you look happy, relaxed, in love, I love seeing you this way." Her brother said earnestly. Scully blushed and smiled. The waiter refilled their mimosas and they toasted. "To love!" Charlie said, Scully just giggled and echoed her brother.

It was past 3pm when she finally made it back home. She shouldn't have had that last mimosa, is what she kept thinking to herself. She was most effectively drunk and it wasn't 5 o clock yet! She hadn't heard from Mulder since the night before when he dropped her off and went moping back to his apartment. Sober-her had decided to give him his space but drunk-her decided it was time to call him.

"Mulder." He answered his phone on the 2nd ring. He'd felt guilty for leaving her the way he did the previous night, but was trying to give her time to spend with her brother uninterrupted. At around 2:45 he lost his patience and took off to her apartment, he was halfway there when he got the call.

"Heyy Mulder, are you all doneeee poutiiing?" Scully said trying her best to not sound drunk.

"Scully…..are…..are you ok?" He asked her, suspecting she was drunk, but it was too early for Scully, she never did like to day drink, at least as far as he knew.

"Yahhh, I just got home from brunch with my brother, where are youuuu? I miss you, come over?" She attempted to not sound desperate to see him.

"Actually Scully, I'm pulling in to your parking lot, be up in 5" He said as he hung up without waiting for a response from her.

As he climbed the stairs up to her apartment, he thought of how big of a dick he'd been the night before, all she wanted was to share his company and some drinks, and he had freaked out by meeting her brother, the brother he thought the entire Scully family had made up. She was such a good woman, too good to be with him to be honest. He will take whatever she would give him, it terrified him to lose her.

He used his key to walk in to her apartment, she was sitting down on the couch, her feet up on the coffee table, she was eating almonds, her new current health snack idea. "Oh, Hi Agent Mulder, how was your Friday night? Did you spend it doing laundry instead of spending it out somewhere? Cause that's exactly how mine went!" She looked at him with the saddest look on her face.

"Scully, are you drunk?" Mulder asked with a smirk on his face.

"Ugh, this always happens with Charlie, we went to brunch at a place with bottomless mimosas, I had one too many, maybe two too many. But, I want to know why you freaked out when you met my brother last night." She told him, she sounded sober but he could see her eyes weren't her normal eyes, she was definitely inebriated.

"Scully…." he regarded her with pleading eyes.

"Mulder, I am not a dumb woman, I knew that's what bothered you last night, I just don't understand why. You know, I know, eventually, you'll leave me." Scully said in a drunken stupor, "I know I'm not your type, in fact, I am the opposite of your type" Scully as a matter of fact.

"Scully…" Mulder sat on the couch slightly out of sorts, "And what type would that be?" He eyed her suspiciously.

"Oh, you know…tall, long legs, big bust, brunette, basically a Diana Fowley." She said rolling her eyes but continued on, "I know one day, another Diana Fowley, who knows, maybe the actual Diana Fowley, will cross your path and I will be left in the dust. But, like a dumb girl, I'm here, taking whatever the man I love is willing to give me." She confessed walking towards her room. Her drunk self was a lot more open with her feelings, and maybe a bit more anxious. Her drunk-self admitted things to herself that her sober-self couldn't, or wouldn't, and tonight, she was admitting to herself that Mulder reacting the way he did to meeting her brother had hurt her feelings. It cemented the idea that this wasn't forever. But she wouldn't admit that to herself just yet.

"Scully that is ridiculous. You're being ridiculous right now." Mulder wondered if she'd remember anything she was telling him once she sobered up. "I am so afraid to lose you, and I am realizing that you deserve a much better man, not someone who is haunted by shadows of men, not by someone who would cause you to be haunted by these men…"

"Come on, Mulder, lay in bed with me, the world is starting to spin." She said as she cut his declaration short, he was going too deep for her and the extent of what her brain could process right now. She led them both to the bedroom where they took a nice, long, glorious nap. They never spoke of the subject again.


	4. Chapter 4

It'd been about 2 weeks since that drunken afternoon. So far it had been a typical Monday, they had been reviewing cases all morning when Skinner called them into his office.

"Mulder. Scully. Please have a seat." Skinner said as they entered his office.

"I understand you've been reviewing cases this afternoon. I also understand I am owed…" he read through his notes, "5 case reports." He looked up, and made eye contact with Scully. "Agent Scully, this is something I come to expect from Agent Mulder, but you've always been so punctual. I am not sure what is going on that you two are 5 case reports behind, and frankly I don't care."

"Sir, I…" Scully started before she was interrupted by Skinner.

"Scully, Quantico needs some help. One of their pathologists is going for medical leave and I have loaned you out for the next 3 weeks. You start after lunch today, that should give you enough time to get some food and head over there. Mulder, you have 3 weeks to finish these 5 reports. I expect them in my office no later than Monday 3 weeks from now. That is all agents."

He had not given them a chance for a rebuttal, so they got up and left. Scully was furious that she'd been loaned out but felt she couldn't complain since they'd been falling behind. "I guess I better go, Mulder. Ugh, Quantico for 3 weeks." She shook her head as they got on the elevator. "I'll see you at home tonight, right?" Scully looked over at Mulder, as if she was afraid she'd never see him again since she'd be working in another office, in another state, for the next 3 weeks.

"Of course Scully, since I'm sure you'll have a busy day today, I will have dinner waiting for you." He smiled and brushed his fingers against hers. No real physical tough could be made in this building, so this was the closest they'd ever come.

****

7:05pm

Scully walked into her apartment way past exhausted. As she walked in she caught a whiff of chicken Alfredo. "Where's my favorite slicer and dicer?" Mulder walked in wearing her apron, looking as delicious as the Alfredo smelled. "How was the first day of school?" He asked as he walked towards her and gave her a quick kiss on the mouth.

"You know, lots of dead people. I smell some Alfredo, let's eat, I didn't realize how hungry I was until I walked in and saw you." She gave him a naughty smile.

They ate and spoke about their half day apart, cleaned the kitchen and headed to get ready for bed.

"You know, it is extremely boring without you in the office. I can hear the A/C coming on/off. It cam eon about 14 times this afternoon." He said jokingly.

"Mulder, " She giggled. They both laid in bed, and he wrapped his arm around her and brought her close.

"Life is hard when you're not around." He whispered in her ear. It made her blush and she turned to face him and kissed him deeply and smiled as they broke apart. She ran a hand through his hair while looking deeply in his eyes.

He moved in for another kiss. He moved them so that he was on top of her. She was wearing a shirt of his that fitted her like a dress so removing her underwear wasn't hard. He entered her slowly and they looked into each other's eyes. "Scully….I love you so much." He said as he started a rhythm. She looked him deeply in his eyes and kissed him deeply as she hugged him to her.

****

Friday rolled around quick, and they'd agreed to meet at her place to then grab some drinks. It'd been a long week for the both of them.

He walked in and turned the television on, kicked off his shoes, took his jacket off and just laid down to relax. He dosed off, when the phone woke him up. He didn't like taking Scully's calls so he just let it go to voicemail.

Hi, this is Dana Scully, please leave a message.

Beeeeeeep.

"Dana, it's your aunt Dee. I'm calling to invite you to my 70th birthday party, I didn't want to do anything, because I feel like we're celebrating me being closer to death than ever, but you know how Jessie is, so anyway. It's at the house, very casual. Bring a gift….and your boyfriend. I talked to Charlie, and I'm highly disappointed I didn't hear it from you, so this means you owe me a cup of tea and some gossip. Okay, darling, see you." The line clicked and the message stopped.

Mulder's mind was reeling. He sat up on the couch, almost to the point of hyperventilating. Her boyfriend. She was calling him her boyfriend. This could not be good, this essentially put a big target on her back. Jesus. He couldn't lose her, not again, he was sure if he did again, it would be forever.

He wasn't sure how much time went by, but before he knew it, a key was being inserted into the door and Scully was walking in.

She found him sitting on her couch. Arms leaning on his legs, head down. He didn't look up when he heard her.

One look at him and she knew something was wrong. Very wrong.

"Mulder?" She asked walking slowly towards him. She reached out to touch him and he moved away. She wished that, that simple movement hadn't hurt her as much as it did.

"Are you telling people that we are together? That I'm your boyfriend?" She stared blankly at him, was he being serious?

"Wha…..what?" She asked incredulously.

"I was sitting here waiting for you and a call came through the machine picked up. Your Aunt Dee called to invite you and your boyfriend to her 70th birthday. That sh was sad you didn't tell her you were seeing someone, that Charlie had broken the news to her like it was common knowledge. Scully, we are not together, we are not seeing each other."

She kept staring at him, trying to figure out what was happening. "Are you kidding? You're being serious? Mulder, what have we been doing for the past 4 months?"

"I….I thought it was 2 friends helping each other. Releasing tension." She raised both of her eyebrows.

"You mean all we were doing was fucking? We're fuck buddies?" She couldn't tell whether she was angry or sad, or both. She could feel the tears coming so she controlled herself. She brought her chest up and looked straight ahead.

"If you want to put it that way…then yes." He finally looked up at her. He could see her mood quickly change, and her eyes fill with tears at his declaration, but he knew she wouldn't break, not in front of him anyway.

"I…I guess we weren't on the same page then. For the record, I never called you my boyfriend. My brother Charlie was excited for me, and just ran with it. She let out a big sigh and turned around and grabbed the purse she had just sat down next to him. "Please be gone when I come back, and as far as our little tension relieving arrangement goes, consider that over." She said as she shut the door behind her with some force, barely noticeable, but there.


	5. Chapter 5

_"What the fuck had just happened?"_ she thought to herself as she stumbled out of her apartment building. Was he in another one of his moods today? No, that couldn't be it. He was perfectly fine when she called him not two hours ago. She didn't even bother with her car, she just took off on a fast paced walk. Had she gotten all of this wrong? Had she fallen victim to her own Goddamned feelings again? This always happened to her, the moment she let her guard down, the world fell to pieces at her feet.

She walked 4 blocks to the convenience store, bought wine, and walked back into an empty apartment.

She was on her 3rd glass of wine when the tears finally came. They started off in a slow descent and soon her body was shaking in sobs. She hated the state she was currently in; she hated crying over a man. He wasn't any other man, that she knew, but that still didn't matter in the end.

She hated herself for holding on to the hope that he would show up sometime during the weekend and admit that it was all a big mistake.

He never came.

Monday rolled around and she had put herself back together. Thankfully this was only her 2nd week at Quantico, so she wouldn't have to deal with seeing him. This was perfect; she was working with people who knew little about her professionally, and even less personally. No one would be the wiser to know that her personal life was in complete and utter chaos.

She threw herself at work, working 12 hour days on both Monday and Tuesday. She'd come home exhausted, have a quick dinner in front of the television, shower and go directly to bed. Too exhausted to think.

The few times where she did allow herself a thought, she'd wished she could be angry with him, but instead she just became angrier with herself. They never talked about what they were to each other; they never discussed having a relationship. All they did was touch and feel each other. Sure, there'd been declarations of love, but they had all happened while under (and on top) of the sheets; no declaration had ever been made over coffee, or while in the car, or in any other situation.

She'd been the aggressor, she made the first move, she didn't give any indication of wanting, or expecting, anything other than sex. How did she allow herself to get to this point? Sleeping with her partner? That was incredibly unprofessional. She had excused herself because she knew she was in love with him, love trumps all, right? Not in this case, not when the other person doesn't love you back.

It was now Wednesday and she hadn't seen or talked to Fox Mulder. This was definitely the longest they'd gone without each other. She missed him so much it hurt. She'd been going non-stop all morning, she hadn't had a chance to sit at her temporary desk. As she booted up her email, her heart skipped a beat. She had a new email from Mulder.

 **From:** Mulder, Fox [mailto:fmulder ]  
 **Sent:** Wednesday, September 6th 9:20 AM  
 **To:** Scully, Dana [mailto: dscully  
 **Subject:** Hillsby Case

Scully,

I am planning on stopping by today after work to pick up your notes on the Hillsby case so that I can finish the report for it. Hope that is allright.

Mulder

p.s. I miss you

Her heart felt like it would beat out of her chest. No, it was not ok for him to come over. She was not ready to see him. She'd been mentally preparing herself to see him in more than a week, not in a few hours. She looked in her bag (which Mulder nicknamed her lady briefcase) and thankfully she had the notes with her. She made a beeline for the scanner.

 **From:** Scully, Dana [mailto: dscully  
 **Sent:** Wednesday, September 6th 1:20 PM  
 **To:** Mulder, Fox [mailto:fmulder ]  
 **Subject:** RE: Hillsby Case

Mulder,

There's no need to make the trip. Thankfully, I had the notes with me. See them attached.

Scully

 **Attachment: DS Hillsby Notes**

Why was he telling her he missed her? She sighed. She still had a week and a half to get over her feelings, move on with her life, and continue working alongside him. She could do it. Right?


	6. Chapter 6

_**Thank you for all your reviews, hope you've been enjoying this!**_

The next week and a half had gone faster than she had expected it. She'd worked long days, even the weekend, her mind kept busy, so her emotions remained in check. Shed been dreading Monday all weekend.

She had trouble sleeping the night before trying to imagine what Monday would look like.

She walked in early to find him already seated at her desk, organizing some folders on his desk. She stopped by the door briefly, trying to gather her bearings before speaking to him. He heard her walk in and looked up, a big smile on his face. "Scully! You're back!"

She gave him a tight lipped smile and walked over to her desk. "I'm back." She couldn't meet his eye, he felt the tension radiating from her. God he had missed her so much, it had been a long 2 weeks without her. He hopes henever has to go through this again.

"Scully, since you've been gone for a while, I thought you could choose the next case we investigate, I pulled a few that I thought may be of your interest." He said grabbing all of the files currently occupying his desk and making his way over to her area. She finally made eye contact with him and raised her eyebrows in confusion, he smiled at her. That smile was so painful it made her insides twist. She opened her mouth to object, but as soon as she was going to, Skinner walked into their office.

"Agents, good morning. Welcome back, Agent Scully." That stopped Mulder and Scully in their tracks, they waited for him to continue, "Agent Scully, Joan Stafford went into labor this weekend, had a baby boy early Sunday morning, her maternity leave has come a month before it was expected. I was forwarded an email from Ms. Stafford in which it states that no one but Dana Scully should fill her position. She recommended we even give you a bonus to cover her for the next 3 months. Obviously this is entirely your choice, however Quantico needs someone fast, so they need an answer by today. The X Files is currently at a place where I could spare you for a few months, so this would be no issue for the department. Please let me know your answer by the end of the day. Agent Mulder, pending Agent Scully's decision we will meet and discuss steps forward." Skinner said as he began to walk back to the elevator.

"Sir!" Scully called after him and took a fast pace after him. She caught him just outside the door. "Sir, I don't need to think about it, I really enjoyed my time at Quantico this time around, and I'd like to fill in for Joan." Skinner had been sure that she would turn it down. In reality, Scully felt she had just won the Lotto. One look at Mulder and she felt herself breaking inside all over again, she definitely more time away from him if she was going to work with him again.

Mulder felt like the floor had given in on him. What was happening, he'd been waiting for this moment for two weeks that had felt like two months, and now she wanted to go for three months?! How was he going to make it without her for 3 months?

Scully and Skinner spoke for a few moments longer about logistics and unimportant things to Mulder. Mulder couldn't listen over the loud ringing in his ears. Skinner finally left, and Scully turned on her heel and walked back to her desk to gather her things. Without meeting his eyes.

"Scully, three months?" He asked, still rooted to his spot. "Three weeks ago you were upset about leaving for that long, now you're eager to take three months there?" He asked, trying to catch her eye, but she still wouldn't meet his gaze.

"Mulder, a lot has changed in three weeks. I thought I was ready to come back, but I am not, I learned that within 2 seconds of stepping foot in this office. I enjoyed working at Quantico this time around, not that I didn't before, but I welcome the change." Scully said, still not meeting his gaze, still pouring random things into her 'lady briefcase'.

"Scully, nothing has changed. Can you please reconsider?" God, he sounded desperate, but he would beg her to stay, he was not above it.

"That's the exact problem, nothing's changed, and I'm hoping that in three months time I can come to terms with that." She said finally meeting his gaze. Her blue eyes were in pain, he hated himself.

With that, she picked up her purse and her 'lady briefcase' and exited the office, Mulder heard the footsteps, then the ding of the elevator, and just as quickly as she'd came, he was alone. Again.

Had he truly hurt her that much that she needed more time away from him? He hated himself. He wanted to keep her safe, and essentially, that was by keeping her at arm's distance. It seemed like his plan had backfired and now she wanted nothing to do with him. He'd had a taste of heaven, and he'd ruined it. He'd never been the man to want to settle, build a family, buy a house with a white picket fence, but being with her in that capacity had made him want to have that life, to be boring. That was all moot now, and it was all his choice. Damn, he was dumb.

At least she seemed happy with this temporary position, and he had to respect that. It was also nice to know she was not in constant danger, that the greatest danger she was in was a possible paper cut. He knew she was safe and that made everything worth it. Hopefully, these 3 months would go by fast so that things could go back to the way things were before. Before everything happened. Before…them.

When Fox Mulder had a plan, he stuck with it. He had decided to give Scully the last push she needed to view him as only a partner once again.

 **Let me know what you think!**


	7. Chapter 7

Dana Scully was excelling, she felt valued. Working long hours could be excruciating and all consuming, but when you have nothing else going on, it doesn't seem to matter. This was helping her in distinguishing herself among her peers at Quantico.

Nights were the hardest on her, she missed him terribly. She missed him so much that it physically hurt. She missed his touch, she missed him next to her in bed, she missed his voice, she missed everything about was almost a month into her short tenure at Quantico when it came time to attend the unveiling of the artifact they'd discovered on one of their cases at the Museum of Natural Science. Long ago, before everything had gone to shit, she had made reservations at a restaurant just for this night. She knew tables were hard to get at this place, but with enough notice she was able to get one. She had decided to ask Mulder to join her, and maybe they could sit and talk like old friends, and maybe she could move on with her life and gather the strength to work with him again.

 _Museum of Natural Science-6:30pm_

The unveiling had been pretty uneventful; Mulder and Scully stood awkwardly next to Skinner, who'd shown up with a date. Scully wore a black dress that came just below the knees and showed her figure but not too revealing, her hair pulled back with a black hairband. Mulder wore his best suit. Skinner and Scully chatted up about Quantico while they walked through the museum heading for the exit and to their cars.

"There's a big workload, but we've been able to split it pretty evenly. Everyone has the same work ethic so it's been very easy to adjust." She told Skinner as they exited the museum and the three of them looked at each other.

"Agents, I rarely say this to the both of you, but I am proud of you and the work you've put on to bring this artifact to the museum. Not to mention this looks really good for the Bureau. I hope you guys have a great night celebrating, I am now going to head off and take my girlfriend out to dinner." He said as he walked off to meet this mysterious woman down the steps.

Mulder looked over at Scully, and before he could realize what he was saying he said, "You look beautiful tonight. I've missed you." To his surprise she smiled and looked at her feet bashfully before raising her eyes to look at him.

"Mulder, I have a reservation at Leonne's in 20 minutes, would you join me for dinner?" She said in a hopeful tone that broke Mulder's heart.

"Of course, Scully, I'll follow you there."

 _Leonne's French Restaurant_

Mulder guided Scully through the crowded restaurant by the touch of his hand on her lower back. This sent shivers up and down Scully's body, and her mind clouded for a little bit. She walked faster to get out of his touch, she was angry at how much effect he had on her. She was hoping they could talk and get back to normal, whatever that may be, tonight.

She told him about the recent autopsies she'd performed through the appetizers, and he told her about all the paperwork Skinner was making him do in her absence. They ate their entrees in comfortable silence, a good sign to Scully. Once dessert was served, the mood suddenly shifted, she looked up and found him staring at her. He was staring at her the way he used to, back when she thought they were building some kind of relationship.

"Mulder..." She whispered, clearly out of wits.

"I'm sorry, Scully, I just haven't seen you in over a month and I feel like I forgot just how beautiful you are." He reached across the table and held her hand. She looked at their joined hands, unsure of what to do. Suddenly, her body reacted without her permission and she entwined her fingers with his.

"Mulder, I meant for this dinner to be some type of closure, so that we can get back to the way things were before we..." She couldn't bring herself to say it. "...look, I can't believe I'm about to say this..." she looked deep in his eyes, "but, I'm in love with you. I want to spend my life with you, I want to chase monsters with you...because I love you. I know we never said those things to each other, and as partners at the FBI, this goes against every professional rule the FBI has put on us, and rules that I've put on myself, but I feel if I don't tell you now, I will spontaneously combust." She finished her rambling with tears in her eyes and a big smile on her face.

Mulder looked down at his lap and un-entwined his hand from hers. "Scully..." he took a deep breath, he felt like he was about to faint. She loved him! He had known he loved her for years, but because he loved her as much as he did, he knew what he had to do. "I...I wish I could say the same. I cannot be who you want, who you deserve, me to be. I'm a loner, work is all that matters to me, I cannot sustain a relationship because it will always come second. Scully, you deserve to be someone's number one, sadly, I am not that man. I wish I could be that for you, but I am not." Fuck, why did he feel like his stomach was being squeezed by his intestines? He felt like he could drop dead at any second and he wouldn't give a damn. The look on her face when he told her all of this was enough to kill him.

All of her hopes and dreams, that she never allowed herself to feel or even think about, were destroyed as fast as she had allowed herself to materialize them in front of her and in front of the man she was hopelessly in love with. Her eyebrows suddenly scrunched up together as she looked down at her hands. She had no real response to anything he'd just told her.

"God, I am so embarrassed right now." She said, not meeting his eyes, and digging in her purse. She took out a $100 bill from her wallet and placed it on the table. "I...I need to go, this should cover dinner." She grabbed her purse and got up.

"Scully that is not necessary..." he started to say but she had already walked off. God he felt like such an asshole; he figured he was. He was the biggest asshole to walk the planet. Here was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, declaring his love for him, how he wanted him forever, and he just turned her down. He didn't know what this meant, or how this would affect things in the office upon her return. Was he presumptuous to think that she'd come back and work with him? He prayed to a God that he didn't believe in that she would come back to him.


	8. Chapter 8

It had been a couple of days since that awful dinner she'd had with Mulder and she still couldn't stop the feeling of extreme embarrassment. She'd driven straight home from the restaurant and as soon as she opened her door she'd ran to the bathroom to vomit. The rest of the weekend she'd spent it in between bed and the bathroom. She felt weak, physically and emotionally. She wondered if her body was reacting to the way she was feeling inside. Crushed, broken-hearted, dumb.

Monday came and she wasn't feeling any better. Her breasts were now in pain, she figured her period was coming to top it all off. She mentally counted back to her last menstrual period and knew she was already late 2-3 weeks. She knew pregnancy was out of the question, the thought only made her feel more alone. How could she be upset with Mulder for not wanting her in that way? Barren, without anything to give.

She called her doctor after calling in sick to work, thankfully, her doctor had an opening and she rushed there. She couldn't take puking one more time.

"Dana. Hi. How are you feeling, what's going on?" Her doctor walked in.

Scully explained her symptoms. Tests were taken, results were given, prescriptions were ordered.

Scully walked out of the Doctor's office with a smile on her face, and an appointment with her gynecologist.

 **This is a short chapter, so I am uploading the next one now. :)**

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	9. Chapter 9

Mulder had been miserable since that dinner with Scully. He'd tried calling her several times since, her machine would pick up and he'd leave messages, but never would hear back. He'd sent countless emails, anytime he needed anything work wise she'd answer, courtly and short. He was growing crazy. He'd finished all of the paperwork Skinner had required of him. He'd organized all of the files into ranking of which should be prioritized in investigating whenever Scully got back.

He'd had this growing ball of anxiety on the pit of his stomach. He wasn't sure why, but every day the feeling got stronger.

He had been surprised to find a voicemail in his answering machine from Scully when he got home from work one night. She wanted to meet with him, and he could jump for joy. He had been the biggest dumbass in the world, but he had to keep reminding himself that he was doing it to protect her. He refused to think too much about the fact that she called when she knew he wouldn't be home.

Xxx

She was 15 minutes early to Nick's pub, where she was meant to meet Mulder, and she was surprised to find him already sitting in a booth waiting for her. She slid in to the seat across from him and gave him a small smile.

"Mulder." She greeted him. "Thanks for coming." She gave a small smile. She was very nervous.''

"Hi, Scully. How've you been, I miss you." He said earnestly.

She gave a small sigh and smiled sadly while looking at her lap. "I really wish you wouldn't say anything of the sort to me." She looked up at the end of her statement.

"I'm sorry, Scully." He held her gaze, "For everything."

She, again, smiled sadly. "Mulder, you can't force feelings that aren't there. None of this is your fault. I'm sorry for the way I've been acting, I shouldn't have been ignoring your calls. I just wasn't ready. That's actually what I came here to talk to you about." She looked him in the eyes and readjusted herself in her seat.

"Scully, get a drink first, are you hungry? I could order a pizza, I hear they're good here, or a burger, salads are gross here, but you know that." He was nervous, she could tell he was extremely nervous.

"Mulder, I'm not staying long." She began to talk but he interrupted her.

"Look, Scully, we can go back to the way things were before we got involved. I will be very good about making any comments or doing anything that may make you feel uncomfortable." He began begging before he knew just what she had to say.

"Mulder. I've been offered a permanent position at Quantico, they've even offered me a very generous raise, more PTO." She stopped before she continued on with what was next.

"Scully….." He looked at his hands, unable to comprehend everything she was saying.

"Joan has decided to stay home with her son. They've offered me her position and I've taken it. This wasn't a decision I made lightly, I thought about this for a long time. Honestly, it hurts more to see you than to not see you. I'm disappointed in myself, our lives were so much simpler before we became involved." She frowned, tears pooling at her eyes. "I have this habit of getting myself involved with the wrong people. For lack of a better term, I need to stop eating where I shit. I still search my brain for an answer as to why I became involved with you without discussing it with you in detail about what it would mean, or how this would change our working relationship; or how this would affect our work. I am at a point of no return here, there's no way I can keep working with you." She looked away and wiped at her eyes.

She smiled and it broke his heart. Her smile didn't reach her eyes at all, and he was the cause of that. He was speechless.

"Scully, please tell me what I can do, how can I convince you? What do I do?" He asked, trying to reach for her had, but she was quicker and brought her hands down to her lap. She didn't want to feel his touch, it would break her resolve.

"Mulder, there's nothing to do. I turned my resignation to Skinner 2 weeks ago and he accepted it. I asked him to not tell you so that I could. He already has a replacement for me. I think they will start next week sometime. I procrastinated with this meeting, and I'm sorry, but it's all done and there's no turning back." She started to gather her things. "I….ummm….you left some things at my apartment a while back, I have them in the trunk of my car. I'll go get them and bring them to you." She said getting up off the booth, not meeting his eyes.

Mulder was stunned. He was speechless. She was leaving him and it was all his fault. He realized she was actually leaving the restaurant now. "No, Scully, let me walk out with you and get them from you." He said as he walked behind her towards her car.

He followed her out but his brain was elsewhere. His body was moving but it felt like everything was staying still and his feet felt like they had cement on them.

She inserted her key into the truck keyhole and opened it, reached in and grabbed the box filled with his brand new razors, a toothbrush, some clothes, some VHS tapes, and a few X Files. She handed it over to him. He grabbed it from her and looked her in the eyes. "Scully, don't do this."

"Mulder, we had a great working relationship, we worked great together, there's no denying that. But you know what, you will find a great partner, I am nothing special, just something that worked. The work will continue, you will reach your goals, probably faster than you would with me. Life moves on." She closed her trunk. "It was great working with you, I learned so much, and had great adventures. It's time for some new ones." She smiled, walked around, and got in her car. He stepped away, and she put the car in reverse and then drove away. She refused to look in her rear view mirror at him.

Seeing him across the booth, she couldn't derail his life, so she changed her mind about telling him about the life they had created, the life that was growing inside of her.

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	10. Chapter 10

After Scully left Nick's, Mulder walked to his car, threw the box she gave him in his car without really caring if the box kept its contents inside of it or if they spilled everywhere. He locked his car, and walked back inside the bar. He promised himself only one drink, but before he knew it he was drunk off his ass and taking a cab home. That's more or less the way things went for a few weeks after Scully left him. He'd go to work, drive straight to the bar and drink until he couldn't think of her anymore. The bad thing was, the more he drank, the more he thought of her.

One day, he felt he'd had enough, he needed to do something. All he wanted was to drive himself over to Scully's, get on his knees, beg for forgiveness and hope that she would take him back. But he knew, the closer she was to him, the closer she was to death. He would never forgive himself if she was killed because of him. So he did the next best thing, he needed to get away from D.C. for a while. He needed to get away from everything that reminded him of her, which was everything. He put out a request for an out of town assignment, and was surprised to learn Skinner had been looking for a deep undercover assignment for a while. He had not considered Mulder because he knew how hard it was for him to get away from the X Files.

Before he knew it, he was flying to Phoenix, Arizona.

Before he knew it, two years had gone by and he still couldn't get her out of his mind.

Xxx

Scully had been 5 months pregnant the first time she sought out Mulder. It had been a terrifying moment for her in which she thought she was losing the baby. One moment she had been fine, the next she was bleeding. She rushed to the hospital and everything checked out ok, but at that moment she knew he at least had to know. She called his office after a failed phone call attempt at his apartment in which the machine did not pick up. Two months later, a heavily pregnant and very emotional Scully tried to contact Mulder once more, but his cell phone and home phone were no longer in service. She had cried for an hour after, cursing herself and her hormones for the outburst.

The next day she phoned Skinner as a worried friend, only to learn that Mulder had gone undercover with no end date to his assignment. Scully knew these assignments were intense and it usually took years for people to resurface, if they ever did. She was lost, he was gone. She did not understand why he would take this type of assignment when all he could give her as an excuse for not wanting her was that the X Files came before anyone and everyone.

Two months later she gave birth with her mother by her side. She had a beautiful boy who she had named Samuel. Life went on. She kept her job at Quantico, adding a couple of classes to her repertoire and she was beginning to feel like she may be starting to get over Mulder. Not one day went by in which she did not think of him, of what he was doing at that very moment, and she'd pray that he was safe.

Life as a single mother was not easy, but she had enough support, work was understanding, and most important of all, she loved and enjoyed being a mother so much to even notice the hardships.


	11. Chapter 11

Important days happen when people least expect them. The day is a normal one, nothing to expect, and suddenly, something happens that changes everything.

That's what happened to Scully one random Tuesday. She was done with her classes and had just walked in to her office. She was organizing her lecture notes with her back to the door when someone knocked on her open door. "Come in, just give me one second." She said without glancing at the figure that had walked in. She placed the files in the file cabinet, closed it and turned around. She almost fainted at the sight. "Mulder." She reached for the back of her desk chair to steady herself.

"Scully, hi. I would've called first, but I had a feeling you wouldn't answer." He gave her a tentative smile.

"Hi." was all she could muster. She sat in her chair, she suddenly didn't trust her legs to not give in under her.

"I was wondering if you would have dinner with me tonight? Catch up?" He asked. Anxiety ripping his insides.

"Ummm. Yeah, sure." She said meeting his eyes.

"I'll pick you up, same place?" He asked.

"No." She said quickly. "I mean, yes, I live at the same place, but I'll meet you, no need to make the trip." She gave him a closed lip and forced smile.

"Oh ok, meet me at Rigatoni's at 7." With that, he walked away.

Scully sat at her desk for what felt like hours.

Xxx

Scully walked in to the restaurant and it all felt a little too familiar. She'd had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach all day since she saw Mulder. The waitress showed her to the table where Mulder was already seated. He stood up to greet her, but suddenly he was unsure of how to, if he shook her hand it would feel like a business meeting, if he kissed her cheek would that be too presumptuous? Scully approached the table and just sat down, making his choice for him.

"Hi" She said, "To what do I owe this invitation, or I guess surprise" She asked. Her tone was different from this morning. It had a hint of resentment.

"If I said I just wanted to see you, would that be inappropriate?" He said nervously.

"Probably." She said with a frown in her face, studying her napkin which lie on the table.

He finally allowed himself to look at her, really look at her. She was…..different. A good different. Her hair was longer, and somehow she looked younger. "How have you been, Scully?"

She looked up, and all she wanted to say was how great she'd been, that she'd been raising his son without him, that she'd longed for him almost every day. "I've been ok."

"Good. good" They fell into an uncomfortable silence, not knowing where to take the conversation. The waitress interrupted the silence asking for their order. Scully ordered some wine, she definitely needed some wine.

She hated herself, just one look at him and she was already back 2 years ago. She had not gotten over him at all, it just hurt her to even be with him having dinner right now.

"Scully. I….." He sighed. He looked down at the table and then at her and met her yes. She was unreadable, he couldn't remember the last time he couldn't read her. He cleared his throat. "Scully, I've been on an undercover job for about 2 years." He told her because he didn't know what else to say.

"Yes. I know." Her eyes soften a bit, but suddenly, he could see her walls rising once more.

His eyes narrowed, like he wasn't expecting her to know about him. "You know?" He asked her.

"Yes, I called you about 2 months after our last meeting, and I got no answer. I figured you just didn't want to talk to me." She shrugged, "I….I went through something, and I just wanted a friendly voice. I never heard back. I tried 2 months later and your phone was disconnected, then later I discovered you'd gone undercover." her mouth went into a thin line, from a fake smile she tried to put on, but just didn't have the emotional energy to take to fruition.

He sighed. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was going away, but I thought I was the last person you'd like to hear from. I didn't think you'd ever want to hear from me again, to be honest." He said very seriously.

"If you think, or thought, that, why come to me now?" She asked.

"I wanted to apologize." He looked across the table at her and she raised her eyebrows.

"For what?"

"For being the biggest asshole, for being an idiot, for breaking your heart, for turning away the woman I love" there. he got it out, and all before the entree reached them.

"Mulder. Don't." She looked at him with a look that he hadn't seen in a long time. She looked….pissed. She took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling before looking at him again.

"Scully." He tried to continue with his apology.

"No. Mulder, please stop." She sounded annoyed. "We slept together for a few months, you broke it off, it ended, life went on. You think my life was dramatically affected by all of this? It was just another failed relationship, like I said, life went on." She said with a weird smirk on her face.

He felt the blows like they were actual physical blows. He guessed he deserved that.

"Is this the entire reason you asked me to dinner? To apologize?" There was that tone again….the pissed off tone. "if that's it, I'd like to get home. I have someone waiting for me." She said, her appetite gone, she didn't want to have to sit through an entire dinner looking at him.

"Yes, at least take your food to go." He said, resigned. She'd found someone else, he'd fucked it all up. That shouldn't be a surprise, he fucks everything up.

She saw his shoulders drop as she grabbed her purse and put her coat on. "I'm ok, I'm not hungry." She reached in her wallet in what was an all too familiar move.

"Scully, don't. I'm paying. I also wanted to let you know that you'll be seeing a lot of me, I just joined the Quantico team." He said.

She stopped reaching into her purse and looked over at him, and a smile spread over her face and she actually started laughing. She put her hands on her hips and looked at the ceiling. "Now it all makes sense, you were just doing this so you could have a clear conscience and you could go to work and feel ok about yourself. You can rest assured, Mulder, I wont be giving you dirty looks out in the hallway, or gossip about you. Jesus, I am an adult, you didn't need to do this." She shook her head. "I'm heading out, welcome to the team." She looked at him and gave him the biggest fakes smile he had ever seen.


	12. Chapter 12

She got home from her failed dinner with Mulder just in time to put her son to bed. She thanked her mother for watching him longer than usual, and let her out. Maggie Scully could see her daughter's face was troubled but she also could see she wasn't up to discussing anything tonight.

After her baby, almost a toddler now, was asleep, she walked into the bathroom to get herself ready for bed. Once she stepped into the shower, she could feel all the tension she'd been storing inside herself start to release. Soon enough she was sobbing and shaking so hard that she was afraid she was going to wake the baby.

She finally got herself under control and continued on with her nightly routine. When she stepped out of her bathroom and into the bedroom, she stopped at the sight of her bed. She remembers a time, a time on this bed, where he'd told her life was hard when she wasn't around. She remembers a time where she'd been sleeping soundly and suddenly his arms where around her. He told her he'd been having trouble getting to sleep, that he knew all he needed was her sleeping next to him to feel at peace and get a decent night's sleep, so he had driven himself across town just to lay down next to her.

The tears started again, and this time they lasted in random bursts through the night. Back when he had first broken her heart, she'd been too preoccupied with the pregnancy, and if she was honest with herself, she pushed those grieving feelings away, she did not allow herself a proper grieving period.

At 5am, she sent her boss and email asking for a sick day, and sent her students an email cancelling her lessons for the day. Even if she did want to go in, she knew she looked a damn mess. The after effects of crying on pale-skinned red headed people were never pretty. She was sure her face was probably as red as her hair.

Xxx

Mulder walked in to the building at 8am, carrying two coffees. He hoped Scully still took her coffee the same way. He knew she had a class at 7am, so she should be heading towards her office where he would meet her and present her with this magical coffee that would start some type of amend making process.

He stood outside her office awkwardly, and when 8:10 hit, he started to wonder what was taking her so long. The classroom her lesson was being held at was only 2 hallways down. Right when he was having that thought, their co-worker, Lydia, walked by. "Mr. Mulder, are you looking for Dana? Cause if you are, tough luck, she's out sick today."

"Oh," Mulder shifted from one foot to the other, his hands growing tired with the disappointment of not seeing her today and of holding the 2 coffees. "I was just bringing her some coffee."

"Oh, well don't let it go to waste, I'll take it off your hands." She smiled warmly at him, and he handed her the coffee. "How's it going so far? I know you haven't been here long enough, but this place can be a bit shocking and intimidating at first."

"It's going ok, thanks for asking." He said as he started walking towards his office. To his surprise, she walked right next to him.

"Well, we're all really glad you decided to join the team. I know Ron had been asking you to join us for a few years. Please let me know if you need anything, and if you're ever up for it, I can show you some of the cool lunch places around here that are not flooded with recruits." She smiled and walked in the direction of her office.

Mulder wondered about Scully the rest of the way to his office.

Xxx

She felt like she was having an emotional breakdown. She knew exactly what she needed to do, but she didn't like it. She would do it, but she didn't like it. She'd left her apartment early, didn't tell her mother she wasn't going to work. She drove around endlessly running different scenarios in her mind. Finally, she gave up and stopped at a random diner, got some coffee in hopes of helping her throbbing headache. She dialed a number she hadn't dialed in 2 years to get an address where she'd go and hopefully not get her heart broken—again.

It was 6pm when she was knocking on his door. He should be home by now, so why was he taking forever to open the door? She looked at her watch, only 10 seconds since she knocked. Time was moving so slowly. She knew her life was about to change, but she just didn't know how.

The door opened. "Scully?" Mulder said, confused at her presence at her door, and then at the way she looked. Her face was red, eyes were red rimmed and puffy, like she'd been crying for hours. She was crying now, although he wasn't sure she was aware of that.

"Mulder….I, uh, I got your address from the gunmen, I need to talk to you. I'd like to come in, just 5 minutes." He moved to the side to let her in, he was more confused now. She had just turned him down the night before, hard.

"Scully, are you ok?" He asked wanting to reach out for her.

"I need you to listen to what I have to say, and let me finish, please." She waited for a response, when none came she took it as indication to continue. "I have a son." His eyebrows went up, mouth opened up ready to say something. She raised his hand and closed her eyes pleading him to let her finish. "He is 15 months old and he is the best thing that's happened to me….and he is yours." She looked him in the eye for the first time, tears flowing freely down her face. "I tried reaching out to you to tell you, but you were gone by the time I had gathered up the courage to tell you. I thought I'd never see you again, but here you are, so I'm telling you now. I'm not here to demand anything from you, nor do I expect anything of you, but it's only fair to my son that his father knows he exists." She caught her breath and searched the floor for answers to all the questions in her heart, she looked up at him and he looked confused, hurt, and speechless. "That is all I came to say, so I'll be on my way."

"Wait a Goddamned minute." Mulder said, rage evident in his voice. She stopped in her tracks but did not turn around to face him. "You knew? You knew the last time we saw each other? At the bar? When you gave me all my shit back?" He said angrily, "turn around so I can see your face when you lie to me."

She turned angrily, walked to within inches of him. "Yes, Mulder. I knew. I found out right after I told you I was in love with you and I didn't want anything or anyone else but you ….." She looked away from him and tried to get control of her emotions, "you said you didn't feel the same. I found out right after that. Looking at you that day at the bar, I didn't want you to feel obligated to do anything, I didn't….wasn't ready to be disappointed and hurt again. Not at that moment. A few months later I knew you had to know, but you were already gone. I don't know what else you expected me to do." She angrily wiped at her cheeks. "I…I have to get home…my mom's been watching him late the past couple of days." She turned, walked out, and shut the door behind her.


	13. Chapter 13

Mulder didn't know how long he stood rooted to the spot after Scully left.

He felt like his world had been turned upside down in the span of 5 minutes. So much of what he knew, no, thought he knew, had just been proven false.

He had a child. He had a child with the woman he had been in love with for as long as he could remember. A woman he believed to be barren. A woman he abandoned because of his false ideas and thoughts of his importance in a government conspiracy.

He laid on his bed all night staring at the ceiling, thinking of the best course of action with this new information. Scully had made it clear she expected nothing of him; but he expected better of himself.

He waited until 9am, just to be polite, before knocking on her door. He showed up with coffee, second try to his amend plan. She opened the door, clearly not expecting him. She was still in her pajamas, hair up in a lose bun. "Mulder...hi. What are you doing here?" He could hear toddler noises in the background.

"I'm sorry to barge in this way, but I'd like to meet my son. I hope this isn't a bad time, I...it was...ugh...this is new territory for me, Scully. Never in a million years did I expect this, and all I can think of right now is seeing him." He looked into her eyes, for what felt like the first time in two years.

She sighed. Since she first found out she was pregnant, she had silly fantasies of the three of them being a family. She looked at him and smiled. "He just finished his breakfast, so he's a little messy right now, but you've probably caught him at the better part of his day. He's in a really good mood". She stepped aside and let him in. Her apartment looked completely different. There were toys scattered around her living room, a high chair in the dining room, those were the few changes he noticed before he saw him. A little creature of a foot and half wobbling out of Scully's room.

"Mama, milk!" He said rushing towards her holding a bottle.

"Okay, okay. Milk it is." Scully bent over and picked him up. "But first, I want you to meet someone special, this is Mulder, can you say Mulder?"

The boy looked at his father for a long time, smiled and pointed. "No mama, da-da!" Scully blushed tremendously.

"Ok let's get you that milk." She turned on her heel and walked to the kitchen. Once she got him settled, she put him down and walked over to Mulder who had a big smirk on his face, he was observing the entire scene before him.

"Look, I'm sorry. I honestly thought I'd never see you again, I had a picture of us and I've been showing it to him telling him you're his daddy. I'll stop that immediately. I am so sorry," she said as she moved around picking up scattered toys that were laying all over her living room.

He felt hurt that she felt like he'd be offended at the idea of his son knowing who he is. He had no retort to that, he knew he'd created this thought-less version of himself in her mind. All he could do now was show her through his actions that he is not who he appeared to be years ago.

When she realized the room had gone quiet, she looked up and saw Mulder in a squatting position smiling at Samuel. Before she knew it, he had scooped him up and was carrying him. He first thing Samuel did was grab for his nose.

Things went more or less that way for a while. Mulder tried his best to come by and see his son almost every day for an hour or two. Scully would be around, of course, but she'd never stay in the same room with the two of them. She knew they needed their own time and space to get to know each other, and she didn't want Mulder to get the wrong idea of her. No matter how much she still loved him, no matter how much she longed to have him hold her one more time, this wasn't about her, this was about her son. She didn't want anything to deter Mulder from his—their—son and she would hate herself if he stayed away because of her.

They'd been doing this for a few months now, with no set plan. Just playing it by ear, Mulder felt like they should have some kind of plan, just to protect all 3 of them.

"Scully, do you think your mother can watch Samuel a little late on Friday?" Mulder had to shout for Scully who was busying herself in the kitchen, as he was putting on his jacket to leave back to his place after spending the afternoon with Samuel.

She walked out drying her hands on a kitchen towel with a look of confusion on her face. "Umm I can ask, why?"

"I want us to go to dinner and discuss Samuel. I'd like to have some sort of custody arrangement, and some child support in place. We can discuss amongst ourselves before we get anyone else involved, that shouldn't be necessary."

Scully's ears started ringing a high pitched tone at the mention of custody arrangement. She'd never considered this. She always assumed Mulder would want as little involvement as possible. Her face had gone pale, and her eyes were wide. Mulder noticed the change in her features and was a little perturbed. "Mulder, I told you I didn't expect anything from you. I don't need any financial support. I'm fine." She said, not daring to meet his eye. She was scared. Scared that he would take her baby away.

"Scully. We can discuss this on Friday. Please let me know if your mom can't watch him so we can make other arrangements."

With that he walked out of the apartment.


	14. Chapter 14

Thanks for your reviews and for catching that big Freudian slip in the previous chapter (which has been fixed). That's what happens when you write at 3am. :)

Xxx

After a few days of agonizing and dreading Friday, the day was finally here. Scully walked over to Mulder's office and knocked softly on his door. She knew where his office was, and she knew his schedule like the back of her hand. She did her best to avoid running into him. She already had to feel like she couldn't breathe almost every day when he was in her home visiting their Child, she didn't need to deal with it in her workplace.

"Mulder, you ready?" She asked him, holding her coat and purse in one hand. She was using the coat to mask her shaking hands. They'd agreed to drive over to a place nearby and discuss their son.

"Yeah, Scully. One problem though, my car wouldn't start this morning and it's in the shop, would you mind driving? I can take a cap back to my place after." He said gathering his things.

"Don't be ridiculous, I'll drive you home after." She said as he locked his office and turned on his heel to walk towards the exit. He instinctively put his hand on the small of her back as they walked out of the building. She would've removed it if it hadn't felt so good.

They made it to the restaurant in comfortable silence and with no incident. They'd decided on a local bar with great bar food. They sat at a booth, it reminded both of them of a previous awful time, but they tried not to think about that.

"Scully, thanks for agreeing to this." Mulder said as he reached over for his beer.

"Anything for Samuel. What kind of plan did you have in mind" she asked, unable to meet his eyes, playing with a napkin.

"Well, I know you said you were good financially, but the fact of the matter is that Samuel is still my son. If you don't want to use any of my money, you can start a scholarship fund with it, or save it for him later. But he deserves it, not to mention *you* deserve to never have to worry about that kind of stuff" he looked intently at her, she was still observing her napkin like it was the most interesting thing she'd ever seen.

"Mulder..." she finally looked up at him.

"No. Hear me out please, I calculated how much daycare you would have paid if your mom wasn't able to watch him, and diapers and food and such, and this is the figure I came up with." He pushed over a check towards her. The sum on the check was crazy.

"Mulder, this is way too much money. I...I can't accept this" she said with the check in her hand.

"Scully you've probably spent more than this in the past 20 months. I'm just catching up. I need to catch up. Please let me do this for him...and for you."

"Okay." Was all she could say as she folded the check in half, still unable to look him in the eye. "You...um...you also said you wanted to discuss custody?" She finally looked up and into his eyes. He could see fear in her eyes. Tears dancing in them.

"Yeah, Yeah. But now that you say it that way, I think maybe you got the wrong idea. I didn't mean custody, like THAT. I meant, I wanted to have some kind of plan that gave the both of us a little bit of freedom. I know he's young now, but eventually, I'd like him to maybe spend the night, or maybe even weekends, at my place. It would also give you a break, and I know, I know, Mother's always say they never need a break, but it will be a good thing for you. Also, if you're ok with it, I'd like to start taking him to the park, or those little inside playgrounds, but only if you think I'm ready and he's ready." He looked at her eyes and they had considerably softened.

She smiled for what felt to Mulder the first time in almost 3 years. "I think all of that sounds great. I'm not sure if you want an actual written agreement or what you were considering, but we can definitely work whatever you'd like out." She visibly relaxed and started to eat the food in front of her. They finished their food discussing recruits they were both currently teaching and sharing funny stories.

She drove him home, and noticed the traffic in the opposite direction was at a complete standstill, but she didn't mention anything. It seemed her ride home would be twice as long. Oh well.

As she drove up to his building, she sighed of relief. She had been so worried about this meeting that she hadn't had a decent night's sleep in a few days. "Scully, why don't you come up for some coffee, I saw that awful traffic. No sense in sitting there for hours wasting gas and patience."

She looked over at him and knew he was right. "Okay."

They walked up to his apartment, much nicer than the one she remembered. On the way up, she dialed her mother to let her know she was running later than expected. They walked through the front door and Mulder went straight for the kitchen to his coffee maker. She sat on his kitchen table watching him.

"You seem so much more organized, than, before." She said.

He smiled with his back towards her. "I... learned from the best, Scully." He turned and winked at her.

He sat across from her while the coffee was brewing. He wished he could touch her, needing the touch of her skin like a man looking for a hit. They looked at each other for what seem like an eternity when he finally spoke. "Scully, I am so sorry I left you alone when you most definitely needed me around."

She smiled nervously and looked down.

"It couldn't have been easy, and I know you won't admit it to me, but I'm just glad I'm around now, and I'm sorry for being such a jackass. I don't think I'll ever stop apologizing for that."

"Mulder. Please. Don't." She emphasized each word. Her breath shaky and thick with emotion. "I should probably head and join that traffic. This was probably not a good idea." She stood up and started heading towards the door but he was too quick for her. He touched her forearm.

"Scully, I'm sorry. Please don't leave" he pleaded, searching her face.

"Mulder, there was a time when I felt I could tell you everything and anything. I'm sorry, my emotions are on high tonight. I...uh...I ...this entire time I thought you wanted to take my baby away from me." Her voice broke and she inhaled deeply doing her best to keep the rest of her tears at bay.

"Scully, what?...because I wanted to discuss Custody? I realize now how that sounded, I'm such an idiot, but you know that fairly well by now."

She finally met his gaze.

"I would never do that to you, Scully. Never."

She took a step toward him and embraced him. She used the opportunity to let some tears fall, using the position as a shield.

"You're a great mother, and I would be an immense jackass to do that."

She looked up at him, her face blank. She was searching for something in his face. The closeness of his body to hers was making her mind foggy, her body acting on its own without asking her for permission.

Next thing she knew she was planting a peck to his lips. The familiarity of his lips only made her want more, so she leaned in for another short peck. Then, she didn't know if it was him or her that pulled towards the other, but soon her hands were on his head, her lips on his, tongues mingling with each other.

He had his hands on her lower back, pushing her towards him, wanting her to be closer, and as close as she was, it wasn't enough. He put his hands under her ass and picked her up. Her legs immediately went around his hips.

He walked them over to his room and placed her on the bed hovering over her. Never missing a moment having his lips on any part of her body. He realized he was touching her breasts but had no idea how her shirt had gotten unbuttoned. He placed chaste kisses on the exposed parts of her breasts before moving back to her mouth. She was kissing him and at the same time reaching for his zipper to let him free. He lifted her skirt up and put her underwear to the side, no time to take them off, the need to be inside her too strong.

He entered her in one long, and slightly painful, push. He held onto the moment, wanting to bask in the fact that he was inside her and she felt amazing. He looked at her face and it was one of pure ecstasy.

"God baby, I missed you so much" She said to him and he started a rhythm at that. He wasn't sure she was aware of what was coming out of her mouth, but he would take it. She was lost in the feeling, the emotions, the moment.

This wasn't slow, this was hectic and rushed, he was exploring every part of her, worried he'd miss something. "Mulder, please, harder baby" her voice was driving him insane. He pumped harder and freed one of her nipples from her bra and took it in his mouth. He took turns flicking the nipple with his tongue and sucking as hard as he could. He could feel her coming, her walls clenched him, "Scully. I love you so much, oh God, I've missed you. I've missed this" and with that his movements became erratic as his own orgasm followed.

They laid there trying to catch their breaths. Him on top of her, scared of moving and losing the moment. Scully seemed to come to, her eyes went wide, hand to her mouth. "Oh God. What did I do?" She asked out loud but Mulder knew it was a question she was asking herself. "I...I can't believe I did this, I can't go through this again. Oh God". She spoke in a rushed tone having pushed him off of her, she was gathering herself, buttoning up her blouse, pushing her skirt down, smoothing out her hair. She searched for her shoes, found them and put them on, when had she taken them off?

"I'm sorry Mulder, I can't go down this road again, I cannot set myself up like this again. I'm sorry this happened, and it won't happen again. Please don't let this affect Samuel. I...I have to go. I'll see you around." And with that she quickly left his apartment before he could react.


	15. Chapter 15

The next few weeks were painful to say the least. Scully completely changed her routine around Just so she wouldn't have to face Mulder. She'd started working out in the afternoon instead of the morning; her mother would come in and leave later. She'd be there while Mulder dropped by to see Samuel, so Scully wouldn't have to be there.

Mulder hadn't really seen Scully since that night at his apartment. Sure, he'd catch glances of her here and there, I mean, they did work together after all. It was as if she were intentionally avoiding him, and if he were honest with himself, he knew that was exactly what she was doing. It'd been just under 2 weeks since that fateful night, and they'd yet to share a conversation about it, or about anything really.

Xxx

Samuel had had a long day so he fell deep asleep through the middle of his fathers visit. Mulder took him into his crib and started picking up the mess they'd made while he'd been there.

"Fox, please don't worry about it. I'll pick it up." Maggie said walking in from the kitchen wiping her hands on a dish towel.

"Thanks Mrs. Scully, but your daughter has reason enough to hate me, I don't want to add to the pile." He gave her a thin smile and continued to work. 10 minutes later he walked in to the kitchen meaning to say goodbye and get out of the Scully women hair. Mrs. Scully was finishing up making some tea.

"Care for some?" She asked, with a Scully look on her face, genes were strong in Margaret's family. He could see it between Margaret, Scully and Samuel.

He almost denied her, but it'd been so long since he'd been invited to have any real normal human interaction. He couldn't deny her. "Sure"

They sat at the kitchen table. "Here, I also made some croissants" she reached over and handed him a plate of recently baked fluffy deliciousness.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Sipping tea, munching on croissants. "She doesn't hate you, you know."

He chuckled, "I hate to disappoint you, but I'm pretty sure of this one." He said swallowing a lump in his throat with croissant.

"Dana is very complicated, but at the same time she's the most simple human being. Just like her father. She is stoic and strong, you could take a look at her and think that nothing could tear her down. One look could kill you, which is probably why you think she hates you. But the reality is quite opposite." She smiled and reached over and touched his hand gently, looking at his eyes with sympathy.

All he could do is look down.

"Her pregnancy was not an easy one for her emotionally. She didn't admit it to me, but I'm her mother. I know when she's not doing well. When she was around 7 months pregnant she called me almost hysterical. She couldn't stop crying, she asked me to come keep her company. That's when I knew we were in trouble". She chuckled, removing her hand from Mulder.

"That night, she told me everything. She said she poured out her heart to you and you had turned her down, in a "horribly embarrassing way" —those were her words. She was scared for her son, that he would never meet his father, and that if he ever did whether his father would appreciate his existence."

He looked down in shame. He didn't know how to explain things to Mrs. Scully, not in a way that they would make some sense, because lately, none of it made any sense to him anymore. He looked up at her, he looked defeated. "Mrs. Scully, for the past 2 years I have been trying to reconcile with myself why I did that to her. At the time, I had this false sense of danger, I was paranoid, and I was so scared someone would hurt her to get to me." He sighed, looked down once again. "Afterwards, I was so angry with myself, so depressed, I had to get out of town, everything reminded me of her. I loved her so much, I still do. If I could take it back, I would. I feel terrible that she was alone during her pregnancy and first year and a half of Samuel's life. I love both of them so much. I don't know what I can do for her to trust that I won't hurt her like that again, I would never think of it!" He sighed, feeling like a weight had been slightly lifted off his shoulders. He had gotten it out of his chest, that helped some.

"Fox, you two need to talk to each other. You're both miserable and it's because you won't talk about things." Maggie smiled into her tea as she took a sip.

"I can't force her to do anything, Mrs. Scully, I don't have the right to. If she's done with me, I deserve it." He said.

"Dana needs pushing when it comes to talking about feelings. Give her that push. You're a smart man, and you know my daughter, you can figure out how to do it." With that, the topic of Dana Scully was closed and they spent a little bit of time talking about Samuel before Mulder made his exit. Maybe things weren't as broken as he thought they were.

Xxx

Dana Scully had had a craving for fried chicken wings from the bar down the street from her office all damn day. By quitting time, she'd called her mother and told her she'd be bringing home fried chicken wings for dinner. She'd called her order in advance, so all she had to do was run inside and run back out. She didn't want to risk running into anyone from work and having to small talk. She liked her coworkers, but today she was just ready to be home.

Xxx

Mulder seemed to be going through the motions. Wake up, go to work, drive by Scully's to see Samuel, back home, dinner, shower, bed, then all over again. The best part of his day was seeing Samuel. Everything else seemed empty. At work, he would take the long way to his office just to get a glimpse of Scully teaching. That was the only time he'd see her. He hadn't had any other communication with her. It was killing him.

On his way to his office he ran into Lydia, she was a good acquaintance of his at work. He really couldn't call her a friend, but he didn't have many of those lately, his residual paranoia didn't allow for many new friends. "Hey Mulder, I got that grant! Just heard the news!" She told him. She'd been working on writing the grant for a long time and had thought it was a very long shot.

"That's great Lydia! Congratulations!" He told her sincerely.

"Listen, a few of us are going to happy hour at the Bull and Bear after work, you need to come by, there's no other option, I won't allow it." She gave him a wink, a smile and walked away.

He figured a night out with some human interaction would do him some good.

5pm

Mulder was well into his 2nd beer, keeping himself away from most of his coworkers. He was sitting in a booth towards the back of the bar, alone with his thoughts. Suddenly, he saw her walk in, a five foot three inch statue of strength and bravery. Was she here for the celebration? He didn't think she knew Lydia.

She walked straight to the bar. He was observing her so intently that he barely noticed Lydia take a seat next to him.

Xxx

Dana Scully was humming. She was feeling light and happy, and was ready for some chicken wings. She parked her car and walked straight in for the bar to get her food.

"I had an order for Dana?" She asked the bartender.

"Yes, they're almost done with it in the back. Give me 2 min. Would you want a drink while you wait? On the House." He asked her.

"No, thank you. I'll just wait." She sat in a stool and turned around on the seat to people watch. She recognized a lot of faces, no one she really knew though. Just as she was going to turn around, she spotted him. He was in the back getting chummy with Lydia Albright. Lydia could very well be sitting on his lap for as close as she was to him. Her hand rubbing his leg back and forth, up and down. She felt crushed, but couldn't really blame him. What else did she expect him to do. Just then, he looked up and saw her looking at him. She immediately broke the short eye contact.

Just then the bartender called out her name, she grabbed her food, gave him a bill and told him to keep the change. She tried to make her escape as fast as she could without having it look like a fast exit.

Xxx

Mulder felt someone staring as Lydia got closer to him. He felt her hand on her thigh, her face close to hers. "Fox, do you ever get lonely? Let's be lonely together" He was slightly confused, but there's no way he wanted to be lonely with anyone at the moment. Just then he looked up and spotted her staring at him. A look of despair on her face. Their eyes met. Just then, she turned on her heel, grabbed a bag from the bartender and nearly bolted to the exit.

He nearly ran after her. Lydia remaining confused out of her mind. He walked out of the bar and saw her walking towards her car.

Xxx

"Scully!" He called out to her. He saw her visibly flinch as she placed one foot inside her car. She had a hand on the open door, using it as a shield. He saw her take a deep breath with her eyes closed as he approached her.

"Mulder." She said. Looking at everything but him.

"Uh...hi...I...what are you doing here? Are you here for Lydia's celebration? She got that grant" He said, trying to lighten the air.

She chucked slightly, "No, Mulder. I don't know Lydia, I know her well enough to know her name, but nothin else. I had a craving for wings, so I dropped by for some." She said, this was proving easier than she thought.

"Scully, won't you come inside and grab a drink with me?" He looked over at her putting his hands in his pockets. He had the idea that Scully hadn't seen Lydia throwing herself at him.

"Thanks Mulder, but I should get going. Besides, I don't want to intrude on your date. You don't want to keep her waiting." She smiled at him, a genuine smile, and got in her car. She felt terrible, but she also couldn't turn him down time and again and expect him to hold a candle to her. He knocked on her window. She sighed once again but lowered her window.

"I miss you Scully. Please don't keep avoiding me, it can't be easy." She looked down and sighed as for the 15th time in the last 5 minutes.

She looked back up at him, into his eyes. He looked...sad. "Okay". She said nodding her head, "Okay." She repeated. Rolled her window up and drove away.


	16. Chapter 16

The next day

Finals had started, cadets were turning into agents. Scully had no finals to give this day so she stayed home and gave her mother a much needed day off. It was 5pm when there was a knock on the door.

She opened it without looking into the peephole. "Mulder." She was mildly surprised since she didn't expect him until almost 6:30.

"Oh, Hey Scully. Sorry, I got done with my finals early and decided to drop by earlier. I didn't think you would be here. Sorry." He said, almost shameful.

"I am not avoiding you, remember?" She gave him a tentative smile. "Come in, Samuel is raging with his cars right now, I'm sure he'd love some male company." She moved aside and let him in.

He gave her the biggest smile she could remember.

"I'll be in my room grading my final reports, let me know if you need anything." She told him as she walked to her room.

It was a start, he thought, from not seeing her at all the past few weeks, they'd now had 2 conversations in the past 2 days.

2 hours went by and he knocked on her door to tell her he was leaving. When no answer came, he opened the door slowly and found her sleeping with files all around her bed.

He gently closed the door, and looked back and saw Samuel looking up at him. "Your momma is sleeping buddy, let's get you ready for bed, huh, what do you say about that?"

"Ok. Mama sleeping? Ok dada" Samuel said raising his arms towards his father.

Mulder got him in the bath, lathered him in lotion, fed him dinner, and put him to sleep. He was going to leave but he was afraid Scully wouldn't be aware of the time and that she was so tired she wouldn't hear Samuel if he woke up. So he set up camp in the living room. At 3am he heard a commotion and heard Scully's door open in a hurry and fast steps that moved toward Samuels room. "Oh thank God!" She whispered. Then he heard steps approaching the living room, he closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. He heard her sigh. A good sigh. She stood there for a while before he heard her steps retreat back to her room.

Xxx

Scully was exhausted. She felt the weight of the past few weeks on her all day. When Mulder arrived she almost got down on her knees to thank God. Samuel had been extra hyper all day and all she wanted was to sit, read through the final reports and grade. So that's what she did as soon as Mulder walked in the door. Except she was reading through a paper and next thing she knew it was 3am. She awoke in a panic. Samuel. Where was he, it was 3am. Was he ok? Oh my God, She was a terrible mother. She ran out of her room and into Samuel's. He was peacefully sleeping in his crib. Mulder must've put him to bed. She walked out to her living room, her heart still racing. He spotted him sleeping on her couch. God, this man. She stood there watching him for a second. He was beautiful. She loved him so much. How she wished he would love her back. She reached out to touch him, but changed her mind at the last second. She then retreated back to her room to her bed. When she awoke hours later, he was gone.

Xxx

Mulder had woken up at 5am, cleaned up after himself and headed home to get ready for work. He had a final to give at 8am and couldn't be late. He'd had the most restful sleep in years. Maybe sleeping in close proximity to Scully did that for him.

He was sitting in front of his class proctoring the exam, reading a book when he saw her walk in, coffee in hand and a big smile on her face. She placed the cup of joe in front of him on the desk, smiled, put her hand on his shoulder and whispered "thank you for letting me sleep last night. I really needed it and Samuel loved having you put him to bed." And then she walked out of the classroom. He was stunned. He took a sip of his coffee and it was perfect, just like he liked it.

Xxx

Cadet graduation was always an uneventful, boring event. All of the instructors had to be there, it was part of everyone's contract.

Scully had asked her mother to keep Samuel overnight. The instructors would celebrate graduation and the conclusion of classes with a cocktail hour. Even though Scully wasn't particularly social, she enjoyed these gatherings; everyone was usually relaxed, unstressed, and happy that the term was over.

Margaret took her grandson back to her home where she would parade him around to all of her friends the next morning. She definitely did not mind having her grandson with her.

Scully wore a simple, professional lavender dress that brought out her hair and made her look elegant. She was handing out the Best Forensics Graduate award and she wanted to look presentable.

She drove into the parking lot 20 minutes ahead of schedule so she took out her index cards to go over her small speech. As she was done with the last part of it she saw Mulder's car pull in. He wasn't alone. He saw them, them being Lydia Albright and Mulder, getting out of the car and laughing, at ease with each other, before walking into the building.

She breathed in and out a couple of times and convinced herself that she was an adult and she was "over it" before exiting the car.

She suddenly wasn't feeling like going to the cocktail hour.

Xxx

2 hours later the ceremony was over. Scully had taken many pictures with her students. She remained unaware of the rest of the attendants, by choice. She had decided it was probably better she go home as she was feeling pretty crummy, and if she was around alcohol things may not end well.

Jeff and Jillian, Scully's close workmates approached her as she was putting on her coat. "Oh no, Jeff, she has that look." Scully stopped buttoning up her coat and raised her eyebrow.

"A look? What look?" She asked with half a smile on her face.

"You know, that look! The look that says, screw this place, I'm going home to cuddle my baby all night and y'all bastards can just hope for next time." Jillian lifted an eyebrow back with her arms crossed across her chest in a 'I know your game Dana Scully' way. "Only problem here is that my friend, you might know her, Dana...she told me that her baby was going over to her mothers, so now you HAVE to come"

Scully looked sideways, dropped her shoulders and sighed. "Fine! I'll come for a few."

"A few drinks, right?" Jeff smiled.

Xxx

La Casa de las Naciones, fusión restaurant

The cocktail hour was pretty informal, the restaurant's back room had been transformed into a room that held a dozen cocktail tables with appetizers floating around the room. A full bar was available. Scully, even though she'd more or less promised, was avoiding Mulder. That meant she spent most of the night watching him, 'how pathetic am I' she thought to herself a few times. At one point, she saw Lydia run her hand up and down Mulder's arm while she whispered something in his ear and he smiled.

She couldn't take it anymore, she needed some fresh air, so she headed for the patio. She was on her 3rd, or was it 4th?, drink. She leaned her elbows on the railing of the patio, holding her wine glass, thinking about Mulder. She wondered why things weren't ever easy for her. They were good friends, and co-parenting was proving to be extremely easy with him, the sex was amazing, why couldn't he love her? She knew if she were to start up a sexual relationship with him that he would be willing, but could she handle sex with him without the feelings? She shook her head trying to erase her thoughts like an etch a sketch, she raised the wine glass to her mouth and took a long gulp of her wine. She needed to be a big girl and just let him go. Let him be happy with someone who would make him happy, and she needed to let him go so she could find someone that would love her as much as she could love them.

"Penny for your thoughts?" His voice brought her out of her torturous thoughts. She looked sideways at him and smiled.

"Hey," smiling she took another sip of her wine.

"What are you thinking about out here, the party is inside you know." He moved and mimicked her position on the railing, both of them looking straight into the sea of cars moving through the highway nearby. "Everything okay?" He asked with a slight hint of concern in his voice.

She smiled a sad smile, "Yeah. I'm ok" it came out an almost-whisper. "Just thinking about you, and Samuel, and our lives" she was rendering herself honest.

Out of her peripheral vision she saw his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed anxiously.

"I'm at an impasse, I need to be able to move forward, or sideways, but move. I'm sorry, Mulder, you probably don't want to hear any of this. I've been drinking, drinking brings a lot of feelings up to the surface. Sometimes I choose to ignore them, tonight I felt like grabbing them by the horns." She giggled nervously. "Anyway, I...I'm going to head home, and you shouldn't be out here talking to an ex while Lydia is in there" she patted his hand as she left.

He stood rooted to the spot, her touch was electric. But...what had she just said about Lydia? Hold on, what? As he stood there trying to get his gears up and working again, Lydia snuck her head out the door, "Mulder, where'd you go? We're all waiting on you to take that shot!" Still confused he walked over to where his group of coworkers were huddled in a group, all holding shot glasses. Whooping and hollering commenced when they spotted him, "we've been waiting, Mulder!" All he knew was that he had to find her, where did she go? He took the shot, the hard liquor burning his throat.

Xxx

She'd been in her apartment for 15 minutes when there was a knock at her door. She looked through the peep hole and was confused to see Mulder standing there. She pushed the door open.

"Mulder? Uh...Sam...he's not here, I thought I told you he was staying at my mom's tonight." She'd shared that tid bit of information earlier in the week with him in hopes that he'd want to talk, hang out, or something. But, nothing had happened.

He made no moves to come inside the apartment, he had a strange look on his face. "Mulder?" He looked her in the eye.

"Scully, I think you have some things wrong. I felt it was important I came over here and cleared things up. Lydia and I are just friends" He kept looking into her eyes, his sight was overwhelming.

She gripped the door tightly, broke eye contact by directing her eye sight to the floor, smiled while shaking her head a bit. "Mulder, once upon a times we were *just friends* too." She chanced a look at him again.

He exhaled in frustration, "Scully, do I have to spell it out for you?" His frustration evident in his face.

"Mulder, I've assumed too many things in my life only to later find out how terribly, horribly, wrong I was, so yes, you will have to spell everything out for me." Tears in her eyes.

"Scully, there is nothing romantic going on between Lydia and I. She propositioned me once, yes, but ever since I turned her down, things have been strictly platonic, and she understands that. I am what they call, emotionally unavailable. I am in love with you. I love you so much it hurts to be apart from you. I love you so much that I would die before hurting you the way I've already done, again. I hope you believe me, and I hope you know I plan to spend the rest of my life proving to you how much you mean to me and how much I love you." Tears we're spilling over and out of her eyes.

"Mulder..." she wiped at her eyes.

"No, Scully, I am quite aware of the asshole I am and have been, I don't expect anything from you right now, I am just asking for the opportunity. Please think it over, I don't need an answer today. I am just glad I am able to say the words to you: I love you." He walked down the hallway and on to the elevator.

Scully was rooted to the spot. The ding that singled the closing of the elevator doors woke her up from her stoic state and she rushed towards the stairs.

She ran down the stairs, two at a time. When she made it to the bottom floor, she stood in front of the elevator doors. There was another ding and suddenly Mulder was standing in front of her again.

"You said you loved me." She said.

"Yes Scully, but I also said I am in love with you. I always have been." He said as he took a step forward.

She searched the room for something.

Suddenly, the elevator doors were closing again and she shoved him into the elevator, hit the number 3, before their mouths were on each other, him pinning her to the elevator wall.


	17. Chapter 17

It was a miracle they had made it inside her apartment before their clothes were off and he was inside of her. They stayed in bed the rest of the night and all of the next morning. They'd gone to lunch before heading to Margaret's house to pick up their son-together.

It didn't take long for them to move in together. They'd seen a town house for sale that had caught both of their eyes and wasted no time in buying it. Mulder had made a big deal of them getting tax cuts and better mortgage rates if they were married, Scully told him he didn't need to find excuses to marry her. She'd meant it as a joke, but he got on one knee and pulled a ring out of his pocket and asked her to marry him. They had a small ceremony at court.

Some time later

Scully was running around the house trying to get herself ready. She had managed to get Sam ready in time but she was still missing her shoe. She walked in to the front room of the townhouse to find that Mulder was holding it. "Come on crazy lady, let's head out. Come on Sam"

They drove to the school in the neighborhood and watched their son graduate from kindergarten. Scully wiped her tears as her son walked across the small stage and Mulder smiled at her. He was happy. This was his family. He couldn't imagine ever being without them, and couldn't imagine the days when he lived without them.

He kept his promise and spent the rest of his days showing Scully how much he loved her. Scully, even though she made no such promise, did the same.


End file.
